This weekend was.....well, uneventful. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of fun, but it seemed like everybody was just so miserable on a day where they're "supposed" to celebrate being free. It seems like the question on everybody's mind was "so this is freedom?" I know why everybody was so miserable. I don't blame anybody for hating the state of things lately. I hate it all too, its just sickening. The mid west is underwater. Does anyone else know about this? Even John Stewart made it a point to ask this on the daily show earlier this week. Nobody can really afford to go anywhere with gas coming up on $5 per fucking gallon. And of course, this mornings paper said that the county may finally be in a recession. Have the people that write the Californian been living under a rock for the last couple of years? Its much like the bush administration, where they deny that we're in a recession even though the evidence is smacking them in the face. *sigh* That was my frustrated rant for the week. On the plus side, I did get to see the fireworks this year. I hadn't seen them in almost 2 years (they were illegal no matter who put them on when I was in AZ.)oh, and Jayce came back! I've missed him so much. We're supposed to jam out later on in the week, and I'm thoroughly convinced it will be the most metal thing ever. Both of us got so sick of hardcore and that whole scene a few years back that we both slowly drifted more and more towards metal. I listen to a lot of different stuff now, more so than even what I used to listen to. I love music. But, I think the anger and frustration need to go somewhere, and all of my other musical projects didn't go so well because my heart just wasn't in them.

On a different note, I put a lot of thought into a lot of things the last few days. One of which was the fact that I love all people. I don't even know why, and maybe its because I've realized that this life is just a ride, and that we're all heading towards the same end. I think I've honestly given hatred its place in my life, and trust me, its there, But I can't properly direct it towards a person. No one is truly worth the time and stress that hate places on everything. Its kind of odd, I read the posts of a former girlfriend recently (and granted she's probably the only one that even really reads my posts anymore) and saw a quote from the Black Dahlia Murder that I had put on an e mail to her when we were together. "I'll love you forever, and forever it shall be." Not to say that she's my everything anymore, that changed a long time ago, but, as long as she's alive, if I talk to her, she'll receive the same love I would give to anybody else. Yes, that means the same thing for her as it does my friends, which is, if you do something stupid, don't expect me to be silent on it, and I may even exert a bit of dickishness in it. But I'm tired of trying to waste my time coming up with ways to get back at people. Misery is not for me to dole out.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the same thing that Bill Hicks said once: "The world is like a ride at an amusement park. When we choose to go on it, our minds tell us its real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, it has thrills and chills, and its very brightly colored, its very loud, and its fun for a while. There are some people who have been on for a while and they've begun to question, "is this real, or is it just a ride?" and then there are those who have come back to us, and they say, "Don't worry, Don't be afraid.... Ever because, this is just a ride."

And for the record, here's one more for all of you jackasses with the "child worship" syndrome. "We gotta come to some new ideas about life folks ok? I'm not being blase about abortion, it might be a real issue, it might not, doesn't matter to me. What matters is that if you believe in the sanctity of life then you believe it for life of all ages. That's what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. "Save the children! They're killing children! How many children were at Waco? They're killing children!" What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they're off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that's the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up."

I really don't know what else to say.


Take the light, and darken everything around me
Call the clowns and listen closely, i'm lost without you
Call your name every day when i feel so helpless
I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow and
Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me
(i'll mend myself before it gets me)
I'll mend myself before it gets me
(i'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I've fallen' down,fallen down, but i'll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that i'm feeling helpless
Fallen down, fallen down', but i'll rise above this, rise above this, rise above this, rise above this doubt